Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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