Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
