dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
