This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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