you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
