Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
