How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
