Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
