Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How's work?
Spinning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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