She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
