you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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