i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
