you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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