I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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