Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
