PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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