Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
