Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
