I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
