Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
