at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
