i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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