It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
