you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
