No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we're making bets on your personal life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
