I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
