It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
