a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
