Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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