Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
