I just saw a hot homeless man
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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