you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
