How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's the barista slut.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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