dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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