we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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