glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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