atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
