no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
