what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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