"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
