i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
