Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
