I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
