Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
