I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
