just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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