put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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