I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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