Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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