How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
