Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Randomize
