I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
